Will I Get Divorced After Bariatric Surgery?

It may seem like an extreme question to ask, but it’s something that every bariatric patient needs to consider. After all, relationships will often change significantly after bariatric surgery; these relationships run a wide gamut, from food and exercise to the evolving dynamics with friends, kids, and spouses. There is data to show that bariatric patients have a higher rate of divorce than the general population – by some accounts, double the rate. As an aside, this same data shows that single patients undergoing weight loss surgery were more than twice as likely to get married. So, in this article, we dive into these divorce statistics. After all, you’ve probably been told that all the changes you experience after bariatric surgery are decidedly positive.

First, it’s crucial to understand that the likelihood of divorce is directly related to the relationship that you currently have. In other words, if you are mutually supportive and understand the ramifications of your surgical procedure, there will be far less friction than if you are not on the same page. This is an extension of your life in general. If you often find yourself at odds over bariatric surgery and other issues in your marital life, you may find that bariatric surgery does not solve that. It may cause the rifts to widen. You may ask why that is. Ultimately, this is because you will gain confidence and embark on a new and exciting journey to better health and, consequently, a better life. Your spouse, however, may not be on the same page, and that may not sit well. As such, the issues in the relationship mentioned above may no longer be workable.

You May Not Be Communicating

Your spouse may feel threatened when you embark on a significant lifestyle change as you have; it can be very hard for someone else to understand, especially if they believe that you may “leave them behind.” You may explain otherwise in several ways, yet they never seem to understand that you aren’t going anywhere. This is a great time to bring in the help of a third party, like a marriage counselor or therapist. Sometimes, how we express ourselves to our spouse doesn’t align with what we are trying to say. It can require an authoritative third party to change the delivery and perception. Having that helpful hand can be the difference between giving up on a relationship and finding common ground.

Then Again, You May Just Be Settling

Many pre-surgical patients suffer from low self-esteem, especially if they have dealt with weight-related issues since they were a child. As kids, we are often subjected to taunts and judgments over our weight, and while we may think we are resilient, these injuries to our self-esteem add up over time. Self-esteem undoubtedly plays a role when choosing a spouse; some of us settle for less than we deserve. Even when we realize that the relationship may not be the one we hoped for, we may have already convinced ourselves that there’s nothing better out there, and we stick around. However, bariatric surgery has a fantastic way of rebalancing self-esteem, often waking patients up to their true self-worth. This may eventually lead to ending a relationship that isn’t good enough.

The old saying, “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs,” is a flippant but very valid concept for some of us who have had bariatric surgery. In addition to the benefits of surgery in the form of better health and improvement of obesity-related diseases, we must make plenty of difficult decisions. A relationship with a spouse can sometimes be one of those. Getting appropriate third-party help and learning to be patient and reflective can be important first steps toward understanding your situation and ultimately making the right decision.

Of course, while we are not family therapists, we remain by your side to offer any help or advice that we can provide, including referring you to an appropriate counselor or marriage therapist to understand your circumstance better.

Related Topics:

• Dealing With a Family Member That Is Unsupportive of Your Bariatric Surgery Decision
• Bariatric Surgery – The Decision and Your Mental Health